Friday, June 17, 2005

Friday Satire

Something fun to start off the last day of the week.

Andy Borowitz over the past few days has reported that:

- Look, Bush can compromise! "Bush Considers Closing Guantanamo on Wednesdays". The reports quotes Joe Biden as responding to Bush's offer by saying "Guantanamo is a public relations nightmare, and closing it on hump day won’t get it done." "Elsewhere," Borowitz concludes, "the White House defended its decision to edit a report on global climate conditions after it was revealed that it had changed the word 'catastrophic' to 'nice.'"

- Wow, Cheney too! In this report, the vice president offers to move the Guantanmo detainees to his "undisclosed location." "If crybabies like Joe Biden think the detainees are being treated too roughly at Guantanamo, I say ship them down to Camp Cheney," the veep says. "A couple of days with me and those enemy combatants will be singing like canaries."

- Mike Tyson will replace Howard Dean as chairman of the DNC, promising "to offer the moderate voice that this party has been lacking under my predecessor." In his first press conference, Tyson bites off a reporter's ear, leading a party insider to remark "Biting off the ear wasn’t great, but he was still better than Dean."

Scrappleface provides several different angles on the Gitmo story:

- "Army Offers Gitmo Package to Improve Recruiting."

- "Senator: 9/11 Hijackers Spared Horrors of Gitmo."

- "Rumsfeld Promises Durbin Better Treatment at Gitmo." Rumsfeld: "The unspeakable cruelties that Sen. Durbin decried on the Senate floor must stop before his own detention on treason charges. After all, Dick Durbin is an American citizen, not an ordinary enemy combatant bent on destroying this nation and increasing the danger to our troops by inflaming the passions of the Muslim world."

The Swift Report sheds light on a new reality-t.v. show that will take viewers "behind the fences" at Guantanamo Bay.


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