Friday Satire

From Andy Borowitz this week:

- "New Harry Potter Book Destroys Precious Rainforest." To make the 662-page tome, the humorist reports, the entire Dihing-Patkai rainforest in Tinsukia, India was destroyed. The Sierra Club's not happy.

- "Rove Blows Suprise Party for First Lady." Excerpt: "Mr. Bush, who has reportedly been taking a wait-and-see attitude about Mr. Rove’s alleged leak of a CIA operative’s identity, told staffers that if in fact Mr. Rove wrecked the First Lady’s surprise party, 'He’s toast.'"

- "Roberts Vows to be Most Generic White Male in History of Supreme Court" notes " a poll taken just hours after the nomination was announced suggests trouble ahead, with a clear majority of Americans being unable to remember Judge Roberts’ name. According to the poll, over fifty percent of those surveyed identified Mr. Bush’s nominee as either 'Jim Rogers' or 'Bob Roberts,' with over seventy percent confusing him with CBS news anchor John Roberts, yet another prominent generic white male. For his part, President Bush appeared unfazed by such numbers, telling reporters at the White House, 'I have total confidence in Don Rogers.'"

More on John Roberts from the Swift Report in "Supreme Court Nominee Roberts Seeks Distance from Sister Julia." The big question: "Will senators ask Roberts about his thespian sister?"

In other news from the Swift folks this week, they've got a poll showing the vast majority of Americans believe the Karl Rove scandal is either "boring" or "hard to follow."

The Onion has a great headliner this week: "New Puppy Teaches Congress Important Lesson about Responsibility." It includes this quote from Bill Frist: "The skeptics believed that the House and Senate weren't ready for a puppy. They believed we wouldn't be able to maintain America's defenses, regulate commerce, and pass laws while raising Buster. But we have proven them wrong. We feed him and walk him every day." Says voter Adrienne Jasper-Smith "I think the dog has been good for the legislative branch. They're 216 years old now. It's high time they learned some responsibility." There is also, of course, a picture of Harry Reid cleaning up after 'Buster.'

Crooks and Liars often links to Jon Stewart's monologues: here's the one from Wednesday.

Scrappleface has gone camping (literally).